Whatever Happened to Fun?
On resisting wellness culture and enjoying my life while trying to take care of my ADHD brain.
Whenever someone asks me about my guilty pleasures, I’m never sure what to say. I was raised Catholic, so naturally I feel guilty just for existing. I’ve done my best to decouple pleasure and guilt in my adult life so that I can actually enjoy things without them weighing on my immortal soul. But I still have plenty of habits and behaviors that I don’t feel amazing about.
Like binge-watching 5 AM morning routine videos.
Watching a 20-something influencer wake up before dawn in her perfect new-build high rise apartment so she can “get in some journaling” or go to an extremely aesthetic Pilates class and take an everything shower before clocking in to her 9 to 5 (early, I might add!) is what my therapist might refer to as a form of masochism.
Because I am not, never have been, and likely never will be that girl. I have ADHD. I’m a “roll out of bed at 7 AM at the earliest, automate my morning routine as much as possible, maybe have enough time for a 5-minute meditation” kind of girl in the morning. I will only wake up at 5 AM a few times a year if my job requires it, or if I have to catch an early flight or train.
But maybe if I just tried harder and went to bed earlier…
I’ve been indulging in morning routine videos for a few years. At first, I watched them for inspiration, to become someone who got excited about doing things early in the morning. Once it became clear that that was probably not going to happen, I kept watching for the aesthetic of it all - the sparkling clean apartments, the 12-step skin care routines, the homemade lattes. There’s something soothing about watching someone who seems to have it all together live their life. I want in on whatever secret they’ve discovered. And there’s also some more psychological masochism in it, having tried and failed to optimize my ADHD brain time and time again. My inability to wake up before the sun is just proves my inability to be a real adult person.
Of course, I realize these videos are designed to sell me things: various creams, sleep masks, dream journals, Solidcore classes. It’s a fantasy, and ultimately these girls are people with full lives and feelings and anxieties and vices and who even knows if they’re actually waking up at 5 AM every single day, or if they’re even filming this routine in the morning at all?
But I can’t help but wonder…are these girls having fun? Are they ever out past 11 PM on a weeknight, just because the conversation at the bar is too good to pry themselves away? Do they go to concerts? The theatre? Do they have friends? Do the ones who live in big cities actually take advantage of those cities? Or are they too busy optimizing and recording their lives to actually live them?
These morning routine videos are part of a larger cultural obsession with wellness, longevity, and productivity. We’re all constantly looking for ways to upgrade our lives, look hotter, and live longer, whether that’s by buying the latest red light face mask or taking cold showers first thing in the morning. And now we’re being told to combine these habits together by “wellnessmaxxing,” or getting in as many simultaneous self-care activities as we can. Because we can’t just rest and take care of ourselves. We have to rest better than everyone else.
Much has been said about how we’re failing to prioritize pleasure as a society. The best way I can describe the general vibe I feel out in the world is collective anhedonia. In psychology, anhedonia is defined as the inability to experience joy or pleasure and is a common symptom of several mental health conditions like depression, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. While I wouldn’t diagnose our entire culture with depression (I am not a doctor), it does feel like a lot of us are finding it more and more difficult to find pleasure and satisfaction in our day-to-day lives. Mandy Lee notes in the below video that red carpets are devoid of sex appeal these days, and not for lack of trying.
There are obviously the macro-stressors we’re all facing: the increasing price and enshitification of everything, the looming threat of World War III, the rise of fascism, the changing climate and destruction of our natural world. The reliable idea of what a “good life” looks like in the Western capitalist world is constantly being redefined, and the goalposts are always shifting. Yet the traditional ways of dealing with such changes - namely, eating, drinking and being merry - seem to be frowned upon these days. No one’s eating! The kids aren’t having sex! Everyone’s drinking less and going to 5 PM dance parties so they can wake up at 5 AM and do their highly productive morning routines! Grandmacore and performative maturity are in!
We yearn for hedonism as a society. We’re nostalgic for indie sleeze, but we’re not going out and drinking PBRs at DIY shows, because they end too late at night. We’re showing skin, but we’re too exhausted from making sure our bodies look perfect to actually enjoy them.
Prioritizing wellness and rest obviously isn’t a bad thing. I’m glad people are feeling more empowered to take care of themselves and get sober if they need to and don’t feel the pressure to be out every night. I’ve certainly become more of a homebody in my 30s. But I can’t help but wonder what it’s all for? Why be hot if you’re just going to sit around alone in the comfort of your own home? As Hanna Horvath of “Your Brain on Money” puts it:
Okay, so you want to be the best version of yourself. But what actually IS the “best version of yourself”? Whose definition are we following?
I’d argue most of these trends center that definition around how productive you are to society — i.e., how much capital you can create, how employable you are, how much you contribute to the economy. “Best self” always seems to mean more efficient, more attractive, more optimized for the market.
Take the biohacking movement: You want to live longer to do … what exactly? Create more shareholder value?
Horvath goes on to posit that much of this optimization and the money we spend on being hot and feeling our “best” is just a symptom of the economic ceiling younger generations have hit. Owning a home and retiring at a reasonable age feels like a huge luxury now, so we indulge in small luxuries like Botox and $40 boutique fitness classes and courses from online coaches with dubious qualifications. That’s certainly part of it. And I’m far from immune to this. Beauty and wellness take up a large portion of my monthly budget, and it would be more if I weren’t paranoid about having a face-altering reaction to anything stronger than a BHA exfoliant. Ultimately, I do want to be a Hot Girl!
But I also want to be a Hot Girl who has fun. Fun looks different than it did in my 20s, when I could go out on a Thursday night and still be functional enough to make it to the office the next day, bagel in hand. It looks like community and saying yes to things that sound exciting once in a while, even if it’s a weeknight. I want to enjoy my life right now rather than sacrifice for a future that may or may not come. Don’t get me wrong, I want to live a long life, but longevity is just one metric for measuring a life.
I also know I need to honor my brain and how it’s wired. Having ADHD means that I generally need more sleep than most to be functional. If I were to wake up at 5 AM every day, I’d have to go to bed at like, 9 PM. I live in New York City. Most events don’t even START until 9 PM. I might as well move to Iowa (at least the rent would be cheaper).
Plus, I generally feel my best when I’m getting regular exercise and eating protein and vegetables and going to the doctor regularly. Taking care of myself at the base level is necessary and exhausting. Trying to optimize all of that at the level of a wellnessmaxxing influencer sounds like a full-time job. And for some people, it is.
So I will attempt to do what I need to do to be a functioning person in a neurotypical society without making that my entire personality. I will continue to wake up with enough time to get ready for my day, eat breakfast, and maybe journal. I will not shame myself when I stay out past 10 on a school night. I will not give up sleep and connections and experiences just to prove that I can be The Most Productive Member of Society. And I will (probably) not buy a red light mask.